Parasympathetic Lovemaking

There are two pathways possible when entering into the realms of erotic arousal.

The main pathway indulged and promoted by most of the world is what I would call sympathetic.

You know it.

Hot lustful kissing turning into clothes ripping, hard thrusting, full friction, bed shaking and collapse in a sweaty mess.

It always amazes me how in movies and shows characters go from that first kiss to ripping each others clothes off, with the cliched knock something off a table and/or slam against a wall, in like 15 seconds.

Granted it is hot.

It can cause that little stir inside, a little pelvic rock of pleasure and anticipation.

The thing about this pathway of lovemaking, however, is that it requires intensity.

High levels of excitation are required to generate the blood flow necessary for full engorgement and moistening.

Hence the clothes ripping, grabbing, thrusting nature of it.

Hence why addiction to the seeming delights of the adult entertainment industry is such a big problem for many men or the erotic literature and drama chick-flick industry for women (50 Shades of Grey Anyone?)

Because, like any thrill seeker… you always need more.

More intensity. More excitement. More heat.

It’s why lovemaking can be so passionate at the beginning of a relationship and then lead to diminishment of desire over time.

It's why we can run from one relationship to the next the moment we can't find that heat anymore, or find that that the only way to create it is through endless cycles of fighting and f^*#ing.

It’s hard to continue to generate an ever increasing supply of erotic intensity… especially when you throw kids, jobs, financial stress, familiarity and all the other normal things of life into the mix.

If intensity is your pathway, you'll always need more of it to get off...

The other pathway, Parasympathetic Arousal, is fuelled by an entirely different kind of energy.

Safety & Security.

This is the kind of arousal that occurs when you feel so safe, so secure, so stable that your heart opens, your body relaxes, you can just be you in all your beauty and uniqueness.

Arousal from this place is effortless.

It doesn’t require intensity, excitement, friction.

This is the kind of arousal that occurs when your partner smiles at you with loving eyes and an open body, and you know they are truly there for you, and you are safe and you don’t have to do anything special to be wanted and loved and then… so naturally, so easily… your body is turned on.

I’ve found that the more safety I develop both in myself and my relationship, the easier it is to find my arousal.

There is no striving. No effort.

No need to create any special conditions.

This isn’t “let’s light candles, stare into each others eyes for an inordinate amount of time with the requisite ambient music in the background for long full body massages before special tantric lovemaking”.

I mean sure, that’s nice and I’m all for it sometimes when there is time.

Yet this is much simpler.

It’s simply a body that responds to safety as the biggest turn-on.

It also doesn't mean that it can't be hot and passionate... it doesn't mean that you can't feel so into each other at times that sometimes you will actually rip each others clothes off.

It just means you don't depend on that only.

It means that you don't need to be at such a high level of intensity to be physically intimate.

Secure Intimacy isn't bland and devoid of passion.

Rather it is deeply grounded in a relaxed, open and safe body.

And from this place... everything is actually possible.

We can entirely rewire the erotic nature of our nervous system.

In my opinion it’s worth it.

More lovemaking.

More safety.

More passion.

More love.

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